Self doubt: lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.
Self Doubt is a killer of goals and dreams. I hear it all the time from friends and people I encounter that they want to do this or that but don’t. Why? They don’t feel they have what it takes to follow their calling. What I like to remind people is that the idea you have in your head is not random, it is a calling. Who knows where the road would take you if you say yes to the journey.
We tend to tell ourselves that our dreams and goals are simply too big to be accomplished by little ol’ you. We also seem to forget that succeeding in your version of success does not come easy. Success comes to those who persist and who are willing to be uncomfortable.
Today, I am sharing five (5) tips that will help you overcome your self doubt.
Self doubt tip 1: Start Practicing Self Awareness
Self-limiting thoughts are not something that will ever go away. Let’s just accept that now. Being self-aware is critical to personal growth. Part of being self-aware is paying attention to your thoughts. Our thoughts become our feelings, which then become our actions. So, if you are a person that always self doubts themselves because you believe (your thoughts) you aren’t smart enough, then the first thing you need to do is look at your thoughts and question them. It is important for us to pay attention to our thoughts and analyze them instead of taking them in at face value.
What does that mean?
One thought that many of us have when we want to accomplish a goal is “I am not smart enough to do this”. If you decide to believe this thought, this will make you feel discouraged and then there will be a lack of or no action towards your goal. Our brain likes to protect us from things that are new and uncomfortable, so it will go into survival mode. Your brain will begin to have thoughts to stop you in your tracks.
Instead of allowing the thought to sink in, take a step back and look at the thought and question it. Is this thought true? Have you done things in the past where you felt you weren’t smart enough to do and achieved it anyway? Didn’t you get that job which you thought you weren’t qualified for?
This type of self-awareness does take work and will require practice from you.
TIP: Give your self-limiting thoughts a name. I call my self-doubt Melissa and whenever the self-doubting thought comes out, I notice it and say “There is Melissa acting out again”. You want to detach yourself from those thoughts.
Self doubt tip 2: Remember Your Why
“The more you are emotionally attached to your goal, the better chance you have to achieve it.”
Following your dreams and goals will be a bumpy road. Remembering why you got started is important because it gives you momentum. This journey will be a road of tears, sweat, confusion, and self doubt but if you honed in on what your true desires are and have found the reasons why it is so important to you, this will help you weather the storm.
Following your dreams is hard, nothing comes easy and things take time. Whenever you are frustrated or impatient, take a moment and remember why you got started.
For many who start businesses, they want more freedom to be with their families. Be financially stable for themselves and their family. Remember this when things get hard.
Being emotionally connected to your goal can be the driver that helps you to persevere.
Self doubt tip 3: Surround Yourself with the Right People
Having a support system is really important when you are trying to overcome self doubt. One of my online mentors is Rachel Hollis, who is a New York Time Best Selling author and she says
“you are a combination of the 5 people you spend most of your time with”.
You want to spend your time with people that will encourage you when you are down. These people will remind you of your why and will motivate you to persevere.
In addition to your family, you also want to surround yourself with people who are ‘in it” with you. If you are starting a business, surround yourself with others who are on the same journey. They always say that you should surround yourself with others that are smarter than you. You want to be a constant learner. Learn from those who have fallen and learn from their mistakes. Even if they are one or two steps in front of you, this will help inspire you to keep going.
In my experience in finding business besties, it has increased my creativity since we bounce ideas off each other for our different businesses. My energy has increased as well as it truly lifts me up sharing and helping others get their business started.
Here are a few ways you can start building relationships today:
- Eventbrite: Eventbrite’s message is all about connecting through live experiences. You can search different event types (blogger, seminars and etc.) and add them to your calendar right then and there.
- Meetup: Meetup allows you to connect with other like-minded people The events range from exploring your city with new friends to your career enhancements.
- Facebook & Instagram: I have discovered so many groups here in South Florida through hashtags.
- Conferences: In April, I attended my 1st conference in LA (from Miami, FL) and I went by myself. I should tell you that I was shaking when I purchased my ticket but my intuition was telling me that I NEEDED TO GO! I needed to get out of my comfort zone and completely embraced the whole experience. With this specific women’s conference, we all were ok with getting vulnerable all together and it was fantastic. One of the ladies happened to live in Miami too, and we already have connected after the conference.
Facebook Groups: The amazing thing about the conference mentioned above is all the attendees were all placed in a private Facebook group. So most of the girls connected with others in their city prior to attending the conference. This took a lot of the edge off for some that were nervous to attend the conference solo since they already made a friend.
Aside from those type of groups, there are so many free and paid Facebook groups for specific niches which gives you the opportunity to have friends online and in real life. Most groups have threads to have their members connect with others who live in the same cities.
TIP: If you are already part of several Facebook groups, look through the member directory and it will tell you if you have anything in common with any of the members in the group and don’t be afraid to reach out.
Instagram: I don’t want to limit myself to just relationship in real life, as I admire so many people online that don’t live here in South Florida. Succeeding in life is all about the little steps of courage we take every day. My intuition has been guiding me to want to meet more people and help others as well. One of my daily goals is to direct message someone every day through Instagram. If I see someone’s Instagram story and they are being vulnerable and sharing some self doubt, I always send a message of encouragement.
TIP: Use hashtags to find other people in your niche or even outside your niche that you want to learn from that are in your area. You don’t need to direct message them right away but you can start showing support on their feed, liking and commenting.
Self doubt tip 4: What Would Rachel Hollis Do?
Having someone that you look up to is important for those self doubt days. Whenever you are having one of those days and feel that you are not in the mood to getting anything done, think about your mentor. What would they do in this situation? Would they just wallow in self-pity? I don’t think so. Whenever I start stalling on progress and say that I don’t have time to work on my side hustle because of my full-time job and #allthethings, I stop and think of Rachel Hollis. She is a mom of 4 kids, owns a media company, speaks throughout the US, creates conferences for her tribe and shows up live every day on her social media channels to connect with her tribe. If she can do it, so can you.
Who do you aspire to be? Learn from them.
Self doubt tip 5: Progress Brings Growth
Things don’t get done just by thinking about them. You need to put in the work. A lot of people stall on their goals and dreams because they doubt they have all the resources to get the goal accomplished. The thing is, you will never be a master, an expert, or get the experience without trying.
“You never know unless you try”
To give you an example, there are many that are interested in dipping their toes into the coaching practice business but are scared. A lot that goes through their mind is that they feel they aren’t qualified to be a coach and what if they don’t have all the answers. Well, you will never have the experience and become a master coach without immersing yourself in the coaching world and actually coach people.
Whenever you doubt your potential, question…”Is this thought true?” and the next being “How can I say I can’t if I haven’t even tried?”
Self doubt Conclusion
In conclusion, I want to provide you with one last tip, have some self-compassion. We normally tend to treat others better than we treat ourselves. Remember this whenever you are going through self doubt. What would you tell someone that you know is amazing (Because YOU are amazing) and has a hard time seeing it? You would encourage them, remind them of all their accomplishments (small and large) and remind them of why they got started. Do this for yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend because, in the end, you are the driver of your life. So be and do all the things that you feel are you called to do. Life is too short to play small.1