As I grow older (turning 26 in 2 weeks!), I’ve been noticing how people around me invest way too much energy and focus on building a social life and wanted to share with you my thoughts on why I don’t think social life needs that much planning.
This post will probably make me sound like an anti-social and to be honest, I might be but I also believe in having a few GREAT friends than a lot of whatever friends. A friend of mine (and she will probably kill me for this) said to me the other day that she wasn’t happy where her life was at the moment; that by age 26, she thought she would be at a different place in life. So I asked: “Where did you want to be by age 26?” her answer was: “With a job, lots of friends (and some other things; but we’ll focus on the first two)”.
So, this is when I started thinking… just like her, there must be a million people out there who are working towards, or wishing they had LOTS of friends. By inviting this thought into their minds, energy is immediately pouring into this aspect of their lives where they don’t feel fulfilled while totally neglecting the other part of their lives that also needs improvement, like finding a cool job, chasing their career dreams. Why do we do this?
I say we, because I’ve also been there. I have wanted to be included in every Friday night plan and Saturday night plan and Sunday brunch plan because I thought this would bring me JOY, HAPPINESS and the feeling of being fulfilled. But I was wrong. What chasing friends, plans, always having something to do did to me was: Waste money, not really bond or grow friendships and not following my dreams.
I once read a book that my volleyball coach gave us to read called “Mind Gym” and there was one lesson that really hit my heart. It went something along these lines:
“Sometimes I look at pictures of my friends having fun at parties on the weekends and I’m jealous because I can’t go out and have fun because of training and games on the weekends… but most of the times, the day after the parties my friends tell me they weren’t that much fun after all.”
What this taught me is that people really care about, themselves. They want to have fun and so they will look like they are having the time of their lives on the photos and the rest (the spectators) shouldn’t get caught up in that.
Know that, while you are working tirelessly in your dreams… some people are wasting away their best days, partying and making low-quality connections.
Plus, friendships shouldn’t take that much work; right? We all want to feel loved and have someone to bond with… I get that. But, when you put too much stress on having a “social life” or “social calendar”, you are not letting it happen organically and that’s how you know, you are probably hanging out with the wrong people.
Trust me, I probably have about 5 great friends, which I talk to regularly but probably see once a month. I’m totally obsessed with my job and it’s hard to get me out of the house but, true friendships intervene. They call you, and say “HEY! Make time for me.” and then it happens and it’s like we saw each other last week… true friendships don’t change.
The problem is the fear of losing that great connection with friends and that’s when the need to meet new people and always be on the next event becomes a priority.
Ask yourself, what do you need in your daily life to feel positive, productive and fulfilled?
In my case, I need to know what my 5 friends are doing, I need to see and speak to my family, I need to see my dog, I need to talk to my boyfriend and I need to chase my dreams.
Make a list, and try to work towards it but, do not leave your dreams as a second priority when your true friends will be your first supporters and will understand your limitations on time.
True friendships are not jealous, they don’t get mad and they certainly do not disappear. So, if you are afraid that they feel, test them. At least in the end you’ll know who you can really count on.
Thoughts? Leave them below or email me.
Catch-up on our previous post, here